Nailed to the Doorpost

Hey everyone...I started a second blog, it's called Nailed to the Doorpost. I'll be posting a bit of what life is like here in Africa and things the Lord shows and teaches me. All of your prayers are appreciated! We are extremely busy here, and just now finally starting to get a normal schedule. The first week here we had a Pastors Conference where pastors from all of Africa came to be filled up, and pastors from all over the United States came to teach. It was an awesome time of fellowship and a great, easy way to be introduced to a new culture. The second week we had a staff retreat, where the staff of Calvary Chapel Entebbe was fed and re-knit tightly. Today we had a meeting and were told where we were each going to be serving, and what our weeks will generally look like.
I will be focusing on Potters Field Kids Club on the islands in Lake Victoria, writing an AWANA like curriculum and planning games, songs, everything involved in teaching these children about the love of Jesus. I will be doing the same basic thing for the Saturday Kids Club, which takes place at Calvary Chapel Entebbe (CCE). I'm extremely excited to begin, but also overwhelmed. Please keep praying for the entire team, and keep checking in. : )

IBS: He knows our every thought...

Isaiah 55:9—

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Heaven is above the earth, yet Jesus came down. His thoughts are above ours, but He sends them down. Like I talked about yesterday, it is important to know the difference between my own will and the will of the Lord, to hear His voice and know it is His. But it’s also important to know that His voice and the words He gives us are a gift. A blessing. He is in heaven, high above us, with a will above ours and thoughts above ours, yet He spends His time speaking with us lowly beings.

Something that popped into my head while reading was that His thoughts are so superior to ours that He can see into our thoughts. He knows everything about every single one of us. That means He knows what we can and cannot handle. In the midst of desolate places when our spirits are downtrodden and mournful we can take comfort in the fact that He knows us, He knows that whatever we are going through, we can handle. It’s comforting to know that His ways are so far above our own that He can carry us through anything the world has to offer us, and anything our flesh offers up to our souls as a stumbling block.

Written: 9/22/11

IBS: The Lords Will vs. My Voices

Isaiah 55:8—

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

Why would you want your master, protector, provider, first love, and best friend to have the same thought process as you? I thank God everyday that my ways are not His ways. My ways are selfish and weak. Jesus’ ways are selfless and strong. It is imperative to know the difference between the will of the Lord and the voice in my head. I get so confused, thinking the good things I want for myself must be from the Lord because they are good. I need to align myself with the will of the Lord. Align my heart with Jesus’ heart. I want to be able to know the difference between the things Jesus tells me and the things I tell myself. I am going to do this by continuing to draw near to Him through spending my mornings in His Word, which He has given to me, and be in constant communion with Him.

IBS: There's A Battle That's Raging...

Isaiah 55:7—

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thought; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.

There is a battle that’s raging for all that I am. A battle going on around me and in me all the time, pulling my heart and mind in a million different directions. I begin my morning with wicked thoughts and they come in a continual stream throughout the day. In order to forsake my ways of this unrighteousness, I need to be willing to fight. If I return to the Lord he will intercede for me (Romans 8:26) and fight on my side. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire (Psalm 46:9)

Yes there is a battle after my life, and I know that I can obtain victory. But I need to prepare myself each morning to fight through the day. To do this, I need to “…be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil… (Ephesians 6:10-11). I need to take hold of the thoughts that are given to me from an unwanted source and give them up to the Lord. I need to take every step in line with my Savior. I need to align my heart and my will with his. I am going to strive to memorize 2 Corinthians 10:3-7 and apply it daily.

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience when your obedience is complete. Look at what is before your eyes. If anyone is confident that he is Christ’s, let him remind himself that just as he is Christ’s, so also are we. 

IBS: Saved Soul, But Wasted Life?

Isaiah 55:6—

Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon him while he is near

The first thing that came to mind after reading this verse was what I learned at Freshlife Church yesterday. We studied Joshua 11. Verse 20 says “For it was the Lords doing to harden their hearts…” Pastor Levi talked about how the Lord seeks us out, He desires us to love Him, but He won’t wait forever. After forty years of seeking this people group the Lord finally hardened their hearts and stopped seeking them out.

If you put off making a decision, time will make it for you. You can get so good at saying “No” to God that you’ll come to a point where you wont be able to say “Yes.” A hardened heart will eventually get stuck.

Jesus is seeking you! Don’t waste that opportunity!

For me, I sought the Lord and found that He had been patiently waiting for me. I was overwhelmed with His love for me. Just because I am a follower of Christ now doesn’t mean I get to sit back and relax and enjoy the ride until I get to heaven. We are not called to be Christians just to have Fire Insurance. We are not called to be Saved Souls, but Wasted Life. Yes Jesus is inside of my heart and a part of my life, but He is still seeking me, seeking my life. He is near to me and I need to call upon Him and continually draw near to Him, especially now. I need to continually seek the Lord. It is easy to say, I have found Jesus therefore I don’t need to continue to seek. I need to seek Jesus daily because He always has new things for me.

Written: 9/19/11

IBS: Unworthy

Luke 17:10—So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’”

I am unworthy. I am an unworthy servant. None of us are worthy to do the work we’ve been called to. The only way we are able to accomplish anything at all is because of the Holy Spirit who lives within us. When left to ourselves we are nothing but filthy rags. My prayer is that the spirit inside my chest and my Jesus inside of my heart would prompt me to open my eyes to things that haven’t been asked of me, and do more than my duties. I want to be as useful as possible in Africa or wherever I go, I want to be tuned into the work that needs to be done without needing every single step drawn out for me. I want to be as effective a possible. Jesus, lead my hands and my feet to where the work needs to be done. Give me a cheerful spirit as I work at tasks that would not be my first choice. Help me to be diligent and rejoice in all that is placed in front of me. 

IBS: Servant-hood

Luke 17:9—Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded?

Jesus asks this question so that we will stop and think? Am I taking acts of service that people bestow upon me for granted? Take the staff here at the ranch for example. Courtney, Jo, Berta, Justin, Kline, Kelly, all of the staff members and pastor here, it is easy to think that it is part of their duties, part of their job description to be here and make us food and clean the property, therefore it isn’t an act of service. But if you take the time to watch closely, as I have been lately, they put their heart into what they do. Yes, they have duties, but they do them out of love, and I find myself taking their service for granted.

I need to be appreciative for the things that people do for me whether or not they were instructed to do it, or if it was a simple act of service from their heart. 

IBS: The Economy of God

Luke 17:8—Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink’?

As a Christian, I am a willing bondservant of love to my Savior Jesus. This means I am committed to serve Him with every breath of everyday. I am committed to serving Him all the way; doing everything He has placed in front of me to the best of my abilities and being thorough in all that I do.

It’s a stretch though. I have been raised in a culture that has taught me to put myself above anyone. My needs. My desires. It’s all about survival, and doing anything you have to in order to live the life you want to live. I have grown up in a nation that spends $300 on a pair of sunglasses and maybe every once in a while throws some quarters at a man fishing through a trash can for his weekly meal.

Growing up in a home of 10 people I was always encouraged to have a servants heart. If you get up from the couch to get yourself water, ask if anyone else wants some. Ok, easy enough. I would do so, but secretly be hoping that nobody wanted anything. I have always been so focused on myself. What do I want? What do I need? Who is here to serve me? It’s such a sad mind-set.

Something I hear pastors talk about a lot is the economy of God. Since I committed myself to Jesus Christ, I am no longer a part of this economy. I am a part the economy of God! However, I didn’t quite grasp this concept until I removed myself from my normal culture and came to the ranch. Talk about culture shock! The culture in the economy of God is one of servant-hood, self-sacrificing love, and pure humility. All foreign things to me! After three months here, my mind has been untwisted. I am no longer wrapped up in and around myself, but have actually found myself in the midst of joy when I have the opportunity to serve. I get annoyed when I see someone not finish their chores all the way, complaining about what they have been asked to do, or not doing it to the best of their ability. I don’t mean to say that I am the best servant, but I am learning, and I can feel myself growing in this area.

The Latin translation of the word minister is servant. I am here, going through the Ignite program; to learn how to minister to people through my daily life, the best way to do so, serve! We all need to tune in to what God wants of us, and I believe He wants us to be filled with Him so much that we desire to serve others.

I need to be mindful of the fact that everything I do is a witness of the God I serve. I need to be checking myself. Is my moment-to-moment life proclaiming Jesus? Is my servant-hood proclaiming my first love, Jesus?

IBS: Humility

Luke 17:7—“Will an one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and recline at table’?

I picked up my morning devotion this morning and read:           

If I have not compassion on my fellow-servant, even as my Lord had pity on me, then I know nothing of Calvary Love

If I belittle those whom I am called to serve, talk of their weak points in contrast perhaps with what I think of as my strong points; if I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting “who made thee to differ? And what hast thou that thou hast not received?” then I know nothing of Calvary love.

            —Amy Charmichael (From the book “If”)

How easy would it be to look at the people of Africa and think that I am there to serve them because I am superior to them? How easy would it be to see them on the street begging for money or food and throw their needs their way without taking the time to hear their story or get to know them at all? How easy would it be to belittle those who have virtually nothing? I am the same, if not worse, than the people I will encounter. I know that the people of Africa have so much to offer and so much to teach me, but I must go into this time in life with an open mind. I must step of the plane and be ready to learn, not ready to teach. I want to take these people and look at them as friends, and family. I want to hold them on the same level as anybody that I know here in America and sit at a table to dine with them and glean from their wisdom. 

IBS: Hothouse

Luke 17:6

And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘be uprooted and planted in the sea.’ And it would obey you.

In the previous verse the apostles ask the Lord to increase their faith. People here explain the ranch and our time here as a ‘hothouse,’ A place where we can grow in our faith and be strengthened with out the hindrance of too many distractions. We’re in class studying the Word, and things that surround it daily, constantly surrounded by Christian fellowship. We are here to build one another up and be built up. We are in a small box overflowing with faith and love.

Since I’ve been here at the ranch there are fewer distractions, less things to entangle themselves around my ankles and pull me down. I still have struggles but

I know that when I go out the mission field my faith will be tested, and my strength will be tried. This verse is so encouraging; to know that even if I have faith as a grain of mustard seed I can still accomplish the will of God. I need to hide this verse away in my heart so that while I’m broken and beat on the field I can remind myself that I’m not useless. If I have faith as a grain of a mustard seed I can do wild things in the name of the Lord.  

Written: 9/12/11

IBS: Following Hard

Ephesians 4:31—

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Look at yourself, examine the corners of your heart mind and soul. Is there any amount of bitterness, wrath, anger…anything that would be displeasing to God? Yes, we all have things that are ugly and dark about us. I am striving to follow hard after God, to be a woman after Gods own heart. To do so, I must confront these dark parts of my heart and throw them away.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

—Philippians 4:8

IBS: Ephesians 4:30

Ephesians 4:30—

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

God sealed us for the day of redemption. Each of us individually. He knows us and He has a place for us. Why would we ever grieve Him? How could we?

There as so many different ways we could grieve the Lord, but the one that as of late has resonated inside me comes in the form of love. Pastor Don taught us this week that God will allow our love for Him to be tested. We should despise any relationship that is more precious to us than Jesus. I have thrown myself into things and relationships whole-heartedly and been blind to the fact that Jesus began to fall to the wayside when it came to my priorities.

God sealed me for the day of redemption. Has anybody or anything on this earth done something like that for me? Has anybody or anything loved me in the way that my savior has loved me? Has anyone or anything even come close? No. So how could I possibly love anyone or anything more than Jesus? When I really think about it, I break my own heart. I can only imagine how it hurts my Father in heaven.

I need to wake up every morning and tell Jesus how much I love Him. I need to keep Him on the throne of my heart mind and soul. I need to be sensitive to sin so that I do not grieve my first and foremost love. 

IBS: Speech of Grace.

Ephesians 4:29—

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that I may give grace to those who hear.

In the last week and a half we’ve learned to put off our old self, leave no room for Satan, put away falsehood, and turn our thieving into laboring; all of these are good and noble, but perhaps the most important thing we have yet to discus. Our speech should be a reflection of our heart, “The mouth is a mirror we must watch what we say”—Sleeping At Last. If we are filled with the love of the Lord than we should have a constant outpour of the love of the Lord, and corrupted speech is not of Jesus. As a body of Christ we should be seeking opportunities to bless each other with words of grace. We need to be building each other up in the way of our speech.

I need to think more before I speak and contemplate how the words that come from my mouth will affect the hearer. Am I blessing them or am I tearing them down? Speech sprinkled with grace is important to me, and I want to be better at portraying that. 

IBS: Thieving

Ephesians 4:28—

Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.

A thief who no longer steels is a man who has repented. He has laid down his old life so that he could find new life in Jesus Christ. Pastor Richard Cimino once said, “Don’t let these pagan values and passions bend you. Prepare your hearts. Get your hearts perpendicular. Get your hearts established, rendered sure and firm. And there’s only one place where the heart can be established…only one place where the heart is rendered sure and solid. And that’s why Samuel said, ‘Return to the Lord with all that you are, then comes the preparations of the heart.’ When you turn to the Lord, He does what you cant. He straightens what sin had bent. He makes sure what had been corrupted and weakened…victory in the Christian life begins with our heart. In the book of Proverbs it says keep your heart with all diligence for from it proceed the issues of life. And as we come to the Lord we say ‘Lord what are the things that need to change in my heart…And if you’re looking at your life and there’s a bunch of defeat in it maybe you need to go to the Lord and say, ‘Lord, I think I’ve just been playin’ but I want to be real.’”

Don’t be bent by your flesh, or your old self, which you have put off. Take your worldly passions and turn them toward the Lord. Give everything that is not pleasing to Jesus and use them to labor for Him. In doing this, in laying down our sin at the foot of the cross and offering ourselves to be used by the Lord we will be able to share our joy and our Jesus with anyone in need.

I need to realize the things that I hold onto, and the worldly passions that have their claws buried in my flesh. I need to strip them from myself and through them away. I need to begin each day at the foot of the cross so that Jesus can give me strength to make it through my day without these habits and desires. 

IBS: The Predator and The Pray

Ephesians 4:27—

And give no opportunity to the devil.

Satan is stronger than me, but he is not stronger than God who is in me.

This verse makes me think of horses. The other day I was out riding horses and as I was talking to Margret (Pastor G’s wife) I told her it was intimidating, knowing full well that the horse was holding my life. In one quick motion it could choose to take off in a gallop or buck me off. I was afraid of the horse, but then she explained to me something that shocked me. Horses see humans seven times bigger than we actually are, so to them, we tower over them, and we are the threat.

The devil is like that to me. He seems bigger than me; he seems like something that I should be afraid of. The things he throws at me stumble me and stand in my way, but I need to realize that as long as I have Jesus on my side, Satan is afraid of me. I am the predator and he is the pray. I have the power to say, “In the name of Jesus, I rebuke you!” and as for the things that he puts in my path, well I’m learning how to recognize them as what they are and who they are from. It’s still a battle, but with Jesus on my side I know I will win. I desire nothing less than for the devil to have no opportunity for anything in my life. I long for him to leave me alone once and for all, but as long as I’m carrying my sword for Christ, he’ll be there to battle me. I need to remember that I’m in control. I have no need to fear, for Christ is with me!

Someone once told me that if you feel like you are being spiritual attacked it’s probably because you are! If Satan is after you it’s because you’re a threat to him, and he knows you’re going to do great things for the Kingdom of God. In Acts chapter 19 the evil spirit says to the seven sons of Sceva, “Jesus I know, and Paul I recognize, but who are you?” The enemy only knows your name if your know Jesus. If you are truly following hard after the Lord in a selfless faith, working towards the expanding of the kingdom, till the whole world hears…Satan will know you. You want Satan to know you by name, to consider you an enemy, because if Satan considers you and enemy, Jesus considers you a friend. Along with this responsibility of being an enemy of Satan and friend of Jesus, you must be prepared to fight, to give no opportunity to the devil. 

IBS: Don't Let The Sun Go Down

Ephesians 4:26—

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger

The Lord never ceases to amaze me! Just last night I was talking to Jo (she’s a staff member here at the ranch) and I was telling her about how I had struggled a lot with forgiving someone in my past, and my heart grew bitter toward them. She said to me, well, the Bible doesn’t tell us not to be angry. It tells us not to let the sun go down on your anger. She had no idea what we are studying in IBS class. When the Lord has something to tell us He often does so in a way of repetition.

I struggle with forgiving people who continually hurt me. I went through years never forgiving someone who constantly hurt me, I would sleep angry with them, rise angry with them, and go through my day focusing on how mad at them I was. I gave up praying for them or having any hope in their salvation, or transformation. I harbored bitterness towards them and spoke harshly about them.

We are commanded to be light to this dark and hopeless world. How can we shine with the love of the Lord if we have hidden anger festering in our hearts? We cant. If I had been slow to anger and quick to love I may have been a light shining in this persons dark life, and I could be a powerful witness. I regret letting anger and hurt shut me down, but I thank the Lord that now, despite my behavior, another soul has been added to the kingdom.

I need to learn from this past experience and practice forgiving people right when I begin to feel frustrated with them. I want bitterness to be far from me.

Written: 9/2/11

IBS: More Vulnerability

Ephesians 4:25—

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

It seems this has been coming up quite a bit lately. I have had so many conversations this week surrounding this very topic. Not because I struggle with honesty, actually I have no problem telling the truth when people ask for it…as long as it doesn’t concern myself. When it comes to opening up and being honest about what is going on inside of my heart, I struggle. I have walls that encompass me, and a shield to protect me. When someone asks how I am doing it is easy for me to smile and say all is well, when in reality, I am oppressed and upset.

2 Corinthians 6:12-13 says, “You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

Widen your heart. Be Vulnerable. Vulnerability is an art. This is something I’ve learned many times over this past year, however putting it into practice is a lot harder than it may seem. To be vulnerable, to put away the shields we hide behind, leaves us wide open for attack. When we let down our shield and become real with each other, showing our raw emotions and past or current pains we can grow together in a whole new way. It’s hard to get close to people, or let people get close to you, when there are walls to avoid and dark places that nobody knows about. Put away your falsehoods, be true to yourself and those around you, and grow together as a family. I have always struggled with this. Why would I let people know what I’m thinking about or what is heavy on my heart? But I have learned since I’ve been here at the ranch, when you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable you are allowing people to speak truth and encouragement into your life. I need to step out from behind my shields, break down my walls and be honest with people.

IBS: The Art Of Vulnerability

Ephesians 4:24—and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Yesterday I was struck by one of the interns IBS. He was real, and vulnerable before us and I was instantly convicted. I had things to say about yesterdays verse that I was too embarrassed to share in front of everyone, so I decided that today, I'm going to

 be more honest. More vulnerable. I was created after the likeness of God. He created me. He thought me up, and knit together every fiber of my being. He gave me every character trait, every personality trait, everything about me is a gift from Him. Something I’ve struggled with my whole life, but especially since I’ve been here, is self-worth. To look at myself and say, “I’ve been made in the image of God, and I am exactly who I am meant to be,” has never been easy for me, actually I don’t think I’ve ever done that. I begin everyday with self-loathing, and end everyday upset with myself for not doing better. I never stop to think that Jesus died, a bloody death, so that I could be who He made me to be. I don’t want to be ungrateful for everything that He has done for me, but by hating myself, I am being ungrateful.

I was listening to a sermon by Matt Chandler last night and He was talking about Romans 8, and how Jesus loves us and prays for us.

Romans 8:34-35—“…Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ…” Christ is interceding for us. He is praying for us, Jesus, Lord of all the earth is praying for me. I must be worth something if the Creator is praying for me, if nothing can separate me from His love!

For so long I have hated myself, oh but I had justification! I had reason and logic! I didn’t make it through high school, I never passed a test or knew the right answer, and I never cared enough to try or pay attention. I never understood the things that teenagers are suppose to understand. I don’t have any gifts or talents. All the things I’m passionate about I’m horrible at. I don’t have any skills to bring to the table.

What would Jesus want with me? I have nothing.

Well, I’ve been so encouraged by Pastor Craig this morning. I don’t have money, or knowledge, or specific talents, but I have faith! I know the Lord can work through me because I have complete faith that He will! I believe that the Lord will show me how He wants to use me in His own time, and until then I will exercise my faith. I loved when Pastor Craig said that the more we exercise our faith, the bigger channels we become for the work of the Lord. He challenged us to stop comparing ourselves to others, and be content with what the Lord has blessed us with. By being content and filled with faith we put ourselves in a position where God’s grace can flow through us. I need to be honest with myself and work at seeing myself the way the Lord sees me. I need to be content in who I am so that the Lord can move through me anyway He may choose to. 

Written: 9/31/11

IBS: New Eyes

Ephesians 4:23—

And to be renewed in the spirit of your minds

In verse 22 Paul explains the negative side of becoming a new creation (putting off your old self) but in verse 23 we see the positive transformation of believing and following Christ.

Colossians 3:9-10 says “Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”

We are instructed to be bold. Go to those who have yet to put off their old self and let them see your renewed heart. Show the world that you are an image of your Creator. Colossians also tells us not to be taken captive by philosophy or empty deceit. If you want to be renewed be renewed in the image of Jesus, not the image of science or of man. Before I made the decision to follow Jesus I searched for things to devote my time to; causes to support, beliefs to follow, people to speak light into my life; I was searching for something of this world to renew my mind. I went in and out of phases quickly, because everything here on earth is shallow, and self-centered. When you follow things of the flesh you will be sure to come up empty. To be renewed in the image of Christ you remove the body of flesh. Once you are removed, you’ve put off your old self, the next step is to align yourself with your new identity.

The transformation of Christians is an ongoing process, but I assure you, it is far from monotonous. Gods mercies are new every morning!

When your mind is renewed by Christ it’s like you’re given new eyes. You’re able to wake up in the morning and count new blessings. You begin to gain a whole new perspective. The more you meditate on Gods word, and the more you talk with Him and walk with Him the more you are enlightened and strengthened to see what God has for you and stay in His perfect will, and even better, the more you spend time with Him, the more in love you fall with Him.

I need to remember that I have been made new! I am a new creation, and I need to show that through my actions. I need to wake up in the morning, thank the Lord for his new mercies, and then spend every moment that day loving Jesus in a way that is so loud even those who stop up their ears car hear it!

Luke 10:27—And he answered, “You shall love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all you mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

All this aside—I have things that I hold onto and allow to hold me back. I need to let go of them and give them to God because He desires to make me new. I know that if I gave Him everything that is ugly about me, and gave Him all my shame, He would take all of that and make something beautiful out of it. If I would “put off” the way I view myself and let Jesus transform my eyes I know I would be so much more useful towards the furthering of the kingdom. 

8/30/11

IBS: Set Free!

Ephesians 4:22—

To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires

I can easily say my former manner of life was corrupt, and I carried deceitful desires. But I can also say, that life is far away from me now. For so long I was in the depths of darkness and all I wanted was to escape. I tried so many times to leave my transgressions behind, but I was weak and always went back to them. It wasn’t until I came to know and trust in Jesus, the almighty Savior, that I was strengthened enough to pull off my old self.

The things of my past don’t make up who I am. I have been set free from my sins, and now I can look back on my old self and see it as a witness tool.

We sung a song during worship today that made me think of this verse. It says, “We turn our eyes from evil things, oh lord we cast down our idols. Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts.” Turning eyes from evil things, and casting down idols is a daily thing. I need to wake up in the morning and pray each day that the Lord with give me clean hands and a pure heart.

Written: 8/29/11

IBS: Empty.

Romans 12:13—Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Give of yourself to be generous to others. As followers of Christ, but more so as missionaries, we need to be willing to empty ourselves in order to pour into others, and to fill them up. I need to let go of the parts of myself that I hold onto and allow them to spill out of me. Sometimes it seems hard to imagine that I could be a blessing to anybody, but I know that if I stepped out in faith and offered myself up to the work of the Lord He would use me in extraordinary ways.

8/26/11

IBS: Losses and Crosses

Romans 12:12—

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Rejoice-Delight in

Patience-the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset

Constant—Occurring continuously over a period of time

I need to delight in the fact that I have hope. Lamentations 3:21-23—But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end: they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I need to be patient during trials, when I cannot see why the Lord is putting me through pain. Hebrews 4:16—Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” During these times of tribulation I need to be patient, but I also need to be sure that I’m not being still. I need to be calling out to my Jesus daily, and drawing near to Him. 2 Samuel 22:7— In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I called. From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry came to His ears.”

I need to be constant in my prayers. The Lord wants to lift us up and raise our heads in times of pain. He desires to be our comfort and our stronghold. Everything we go through we go through because he allows it. Psalm 6:9-10—The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer. All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled; they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.

It is in these moments and seasons of pain and tribulation that I need to remember that affliction is one of Gods greatest medicines—losses and crosses are meant to lead us to Jesus.

Written: 8/25/11

IBS: With Zeal, For The Lord!

Romans 12:11—

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.

This should be our joy; to serve the Lord. Since I’ve been here I’ve learned a lot about serving in a quick, and thorough way. I’ve learned to “do all things unto the Lord.” This would be a good verse to have in my memory because I’m sure I’ll be asked to do many jobs that I don’t want to do while on the mission field, and I’ll have to remember to take myself out of it and do it with zeal. Do it for the Lord.

Written: 8/24/11

IBS: A Heart To Serve

Romans 12:10—

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

To outdo one another in showing honor, to honor one another above yourself. What a concept. I’m sure it’s a foreign perception to most people of this generation; I know it has been a foreign thing to me in the past. I’m definitely learning about it here at Potters Field Ranch though. We have six hours of servant time a week, and do service projects, but when it’s mandatory is it truly honoring someone above yourself? When I first got here I didn’t understand why people were offering to clear my place from the dinner table when I was done eating, or why they were offering to make my bed for me. I now know that it is because people here at the ranch have the love and joy of the Lord in them, and when you have that, there is a desire to serve.

I have seen this desire grow in my own heart, but I also see a lot of room for the desire to continue to grow. I need to be aware of other people and their needs, and ask the Lord to continue to grow the desire to be a servant in my heart. 

IBS: What Is Evil

Romans 12:9—

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

Abhor what is evil. My first thought was, ok, that will be easy, I already do hate murder, stealing, and evil things, I skipped over this section of the verse and began to look at the other parts. I couldn’t focus on them though, I kept thinking about evil. Ok God I do abhor evil. I promise. I was beginning to get frustrated with myself, so I closed my eyes and began to seek the Lord. I always pray before beginning the IBS process, but the one short prayer wasn’t cutting it today. I prayed that if there was something Jesus needed to tell me he would tell me through my pen, because I couldn’t pull anything out of this verse myself.

I’m embarrassed to admit, after I went back and read what I wrote; I was regretful of that prayer. God definitely had things to tell me.

Abhor what is evil. Evil fills my heart and mind daily. Evil is anything that stands between me and God, anything that pulls my eyes from Him. Things that are meant to be good can become evil when placed on a higher throne than God. Blessings can become evil when placed above God. I have so many distractions, and so many things that get between Jesus and me. I need to be in fervent prayer that God will be my center, my focus. 

Written: 8/22/11

IBS: Ashamed

Mark 8:38—

For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.

I think of all the times I’ve been ashamed of Jesus, and all the times I’ve lied about my faith in order to be accepted into a group of people. Then I think about what it would be like to look into the face of Jesus, and have Him be ashamed of me.

I’m no longer friends with any of the people who I lied to about my faith. None of them were close friends anyway, but It’s been months since I’ve even talked to any of them. They were frivolous friendships and I’ve shamed my Jesus for no reason.

I am now here at the ranch, separated from this sinful generation and it’s easy to be proud of Jesus. It’s fun to be a Christian around Christians. I pray that when I return to the normal culture I will be strong enough to boast about the Lord in any situation. 

Written: 8/19/11

IBS: Daily Devos

Mark 8:37—

For what can a man give in return for his soul?

What are you willing to exchange for life? What are you willing to lie down?

Am I willing to lie down my own desires for what the Lord has planned for me? Can I honestly say I have laid down my life for Him? I want to be able to lay in bed at night and before I fall asleep reflect back on the day and honestly say, I laid down my desires for His. I denied my flesh so that Jesus could hold my soul.

What are you willing to give up to spend time with Jesus? I have been struggling with this lately. Here at the ranch, bedtime is 11:00, we’re in bed with the lights out by then. Since I’ve been here, the Lord has impressed it upon my heart to wake up at 5:30 to begin my day with personal quiet time. It’s easy for me to wake up and read my Bible at 6:30, but 5:30…that’s a different story. It’s extremely cold in the morning, and it’s still a bit dark out. Sometimes I sleep very restlessly and crave a few extra hours in the morning. A couple days a week we have chapel or Bible study at night, so it’s ok if I don’t spend as much time with my daily devotionals…this list of excuses goes on and on. The point is, I need to be willing to give up an extra hour and a half of sleep to spend time in the quiet with my Jesus.

Written: 8/18/11

Here are some other interns thoughts on this verse that really struck me, I would encourage you to take a look, I promise it wont be a waste of your time.

Joel—http://abeariseatingme.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/significance-in-christ/

Jaymi—http://jaymisullivan.blogspot.com/2011/08/bulimic.html

IBS: Your Soul.

Mark 8:36—

For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?

For me, this is a simple question with a simple answer. Nothing, he profits nothing. But I’m not so sure how simple of a question this would be to someone who doesn’t know much about his or hers soul. To gain the world is the please the flesh, (John 1:15—For all that [is] in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.) and I believe if you asked most people, they would say, “What else is there to please but my flesh?” I have been taught, by C.S. Lewis that “You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.” 

Why would you please your flesh when what really counts is your soul? Forfeit nothing for your soul because the soul is where the Lord looks. The soul holds what really matters. The soul is who we truly are. Thank the Lord for your soul and protect it and build it up in the way of the Lord. 

IBS: A Sight To Behold

Mark 8:35—

For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and gospel’s will save it.

I was standing on the porch with Paige (a fellow intern) this morning, stunned by the utter beauty that the Lord blesses us with. It was still early and the air was quiet save for a few birds singing. The lake was completely hidden by a thick layer of gray fog. As the fog stretched upwards towards the heavens it slowly faded from a monotone gray to a soft purple, then pink. The tips of the trees peaked out of the pink sky. Above the fog and trees the sky that was the purest blue held the big white moon. Paige and I stared at the view in silence, praising the Lord; and then she began to tell me where the scene brought her mind.

She explained to me that when there is pollution in the sky and the sun rises or sets over it, the pollution becomes colorfully beautiful. Pollution is gross, disgusting, and bad for us, but when brought to light, it is a sight to behold. She said that looking at the colorful fog looks like the Holy Spirit. When we lift our pasts and shame to Jesus, He covers them with His beauty and turns our failures to victories.  The Lord is able to use our transgressions to further His kingdom if we allow the Holy Spirit to breathe on our lives.

If we are willing to lose our lives, leave everything we’ve ever held onto, for Christ’s sake, then he will surely transform us into something beautiful. He will use our lives that we’ve laid down for Him in a way that we couldn’t even imagine.

I am so excited to give the Lord my future, I know He could do better things with it that I could even dream for myself. But giving God the past and allowing Him to use it is something I struggle with. I need to be willing to give God every part of my life, past, present, and future.

I see people laying down their lives for the Lord all throughout the New Testament. Paul, Timothy James, Peter, Jude—all men who call themselves bondservants of Christ Jesus.

They put themselves aside, put their lives aside, in order to serve the Lord and they were all blessed men. By giving up control of their lives, God gave them a new and better life.

Every time I see in the Bible someone introducing himself as a bondservant it grows my desire to set my life aside and be a servant of Christ.

It’s an easy thing to want; when you love the Lord with all your heart of course your desire is going to be to serve Him.

The application, however, is a bit more difficult, in Galatians is says, that if we are truly seeking to serve the Lord we will not be seeking the approval of man.

“Galatians 1:10—For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

I need to examine my heart. Who am I truly trying to please? Am I willing to lie down my own flesh and desires to follow the plans the Lord has for me?

I’m always so worried about how people see me, or if they will see me differently because of things I’ve done and places I’ve been. I need to put those worries to death and take the things I’ve done and give them to the Lord so he can use them, so that I can be a servant of the Lord.

Written: 8/16/11

IBS: Take This World But Give Me Jesus

 Mark 8:34—

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

In this verse, Jesus calls us to forsake everything other than Him, to follow in compete obedience by denying ourselves to become completely dependent on Him.

I want to Follow Jesus. I want to leave this world behind to allow Him to be my everything, to be my delight, and my glory. How can I carry the cross and follow Jesus if my arms are full of the things of this world and my feet aim towards things that lead me away from Him?

During worship this morning we sung a song that struck me. It said, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, and look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.”

This is my prayer, that I will be so lost in the beauty of the Lord that I will turn my eyes upon Him and allow the things of earth to grow strangely dim.

I need to take up my cross, die to myself, in order to become anything the Lord wants me to be, in order to be able to be molded to what He has envisioned for me. 

Written: 8/15/11

IBS: Walk By Faith

Acts 12:9—
"And he went out and followed him. He did not know that what was being done by the angel was real, but thought he was seeing a vision."


Sometimes the blessing of the Lord are so immense and beautiful that they seem unreal. Sometimes the Lord moves us before we can even comprehend what he's doing.
Peter followed the angel of the Lord, even though he though he was seeing a vision. this verse makes me stop and think. How often do we want to know what were doing, how we're doing it, when were doing it, and every single little detail along the way?
I need to practice following the Lord where He leads, even when I have no idea what the reality of the situation is, or where He is leading me. After all, isn't that what the mission field is all about? Walking by faith, and forfeiting all our own plans. 


Written: 8/14/11

IBS: Shame is Residual...

Acts 12:8

And the angel said to him, “dress yourself and put on your sandals.” And he did so. And he said to him, “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me.”

The angel gave Peter commands to prepare himself but didn’t tell him what for or where they were going. Peter had to blindly follow the angel trusting in him that he knew what he was doing. Peter asked no questions, but just did as he was told.

How many times does the Lord tell us to do things, or prepare ourselves for things and we either ignore it or ask questions.

For those of you who don’t know, I have one arm that is scarred from shoulder to wrist. More than once the Lord has told me to be prepared for inquiries about the scars on my arms, but instead of preparing my heart and mind I decided to take things into my own hands. I would cover them up with clothes and act like they didn’t exist. Without fail they would show at one point in the day and someone would ask about them or make a rude remark and walk away. Every time this happened I got so thrown off guard and began to shake, scrambling in my brain to find the words to explain the marks. In these times I could have explained the story behind them and gone on to say how I’ve been saved by the love of the Lord and seized the opportunity to witness, but because I ignored the initial command of the Lord they all turned to opportunities missed. Just because the things the Lord tells us don’t always make sense doesn’t mean we can ignore them. We can never know what the Lord has in store for us.

When the Lord tells me to be prepared for things or get ready and go, I need to listen to him with no questions asked.

As part of our IBS class we all gather around and read what the Lord has revealed to us about the daily verse. When I read this post to the class I left out the middle (the blue part) paragraph and just skipped to my application. Shaylene, who was sitting next to me, read my paper over my shoulder. After class she gently pointed out to me that she had read what I wrote and by not posting it, or even reading the whole things, I was contradicting the very application I had pulled out. Although it wasn’t easy to hear, I knew she was right. I stayed after class to talk to Pastor G and I asked him to read the whole post. He explained to me that I didn’t want to share this post out loud because I feel ashamed of my scars and shame is residual. It comes and goes.

I felt the Lord assure me that by posting this entry I would be taking another step towards being set free, and that by posting this I would be obeying him as he comes to my side in this darkness to break me free of my chains and prison cell.

Written 8/11/11

IBS: Chains

Acts 12:7—

And behold, an angel of the Lord stood next to him, and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him, saying, “Get up quickly.” And the chains fell off his hands.

This is such a powerful verse. It’s intimidating to tackle. The thing that stands out to me the most is the simple phrase, “And the chains fell off his hands.”

The Lord had a plan for Peter and his life, but he waited until the last second to reveal it to Peter. When Peter thought it was his time to die the Lord broke him free from his chains and set his life back into action.

No matter what your chains are or how long they have held you captive, they are never too strong for the Lord to break you away from. I believe the Lord longs to use the chains that used to bind us to help us grow closer to him as well as be a light for him, and give hope to those who are still bound.

Another thing that struck me was that it says, "And a light shone in the cell.” John 1:5 says, “A light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it.” This verse has been one that has helped me through this last year. 

As a group of people preparing to venture into the darkness of the world we all need to remember that if we contain the light of the Lord, and we shine that light into the darkness, the darkness cannot overcome us. 

Written: 8/10/11

IBS: Unbound

Acts 12:6—

“Now when Herod was about to bring him out on that very night, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries before the door were guarding the prison. “

Peter was bound by chains, and kept watch over by soldiers, yet he was sleeping.

We all have our chains, things that keep us where we don’t want to be, things that torment our minds.

We all have people in our life, or voices in our heads that “stand guard” so to say, making sure we don’t move forward to a place of peace.

I, personally, have been bound by many things my whole life; some of them for only a season, some of them for many years. I remained restless and plagued by these things that bound my hands behind my back and left me completely defenseless.

Peter slept. Peter had the peace of the Lord, the peace that passes all understanding. Once I came to know the peace of the Lord I was instantly unbound. That doesn’t mean that everything I struggled with in the past left me alone and I was free from pain and sin, but through studying the Words of the Lord and communication with Him, He equipped me with the tools necessary to fight the battle. Much like Peter, I am now sleeping between two guards. There are things in the past that I still have to deal with, and suffer the consequences for, and there are things that will stumble me in the future, but for today, I can sleep peacefully in the love of the Lord.

Peter is an encouragement, and this verse is a good reminder that in the face of trials I need to remember that I have the love of the Lord and I can sleep peacefully.

IBS: Moment by Moment

Acts 12:5—

"So Peter was kept in prison, but earnest prayer for him was made to God by the church."

Peter was in a desolate place, away from his church body with his friend dead. Anyone could imagine his state of mind. Peter was a blessed man to belong to such a faithful church full of people who earnestly prayed for him and lifted him up in his trials.

Over the last few days I have learned a lot about prayer. While talking to a fellow intern the other day I was encouraged to pray for things moment by moment. For example, when you’re in a hurry to get somewhere and you’re stopped by a red light instead of being mad or irritated lift it up to God saying, “ok, God, you know my schedule so thank-you for stopping me here at this light. I believe there is a reason I’m here, and not moving forward.”

I have been striving the last few days to apply this to certain situations in my life. Praying on a moment-to-moment basis, and the difference it has made is unbelievable. Before I did this I was always worried, how will this situation go, what will people think, am I doing the right or wrong thing, am I suppose to be here right now. Even though those things are all small-scale matters I was worried about them. When I took the time to stop and pray the difference in how situations when blew me away, and I felt like I was right where is suppose to be, right where Jesus wanted me.

Through this type of prayer life I was reminded to be praying for my friend who is going through the same thing. There is something so fulfilling about fervently praying for a friend in a trial. I love when Paul says in the beginning of Philippians, “I than my God in all my remembrances of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.”

Also, this verse makes me think of Katie Nielsen. Katie is an intern here who is leaving for the field this week. She is going to be placed in a foreign place, with foreign people, away from everything familiar. Everybody here at the ranch is her family, whether we’ve known her for one month or four months, we are her family and we need to be earnestly praying for her on this new journey. 

IBS: Spiritual Attacks

This is the one that I wasn't going to post. The assignment is that we post all of the thinkgs we write. I would rather have gotten in trouble for not posting it than share it with the general public. Lately, i have been hearing the Lord tell me to post it, and tell me that I'm being selfish by keeping it to myself because somebody needs it. So, here it is.

Acts 7:57

“But they cried out with a loud voice and stopped their ears and rushed together at him. “

In this verse the men become even more enraged with Stephen and they refuse to listen. They join together to rush at him and bring him down.

As Christians proclaiming the name of the Lord this is bound to happen to us. Maybe not in this literal of a sense, but things and people will creep up on us and entangle themselves around our ankles in an attempt to trip us up.

This verse breaks my heart. I feel as though I have been rushed at by an angry mob lately, the attacks of the enemy are so strong. They come and go like waves, and when there are gone everything is beautiful and I feel as though I could lift my eyes to the heavens and see the glory of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. But when they are near I feel as though I’m trapped under the undertone and my chest can’t get enough air to sustain life. It’s like suffocating by the hand of a small, demented demon, and every time I gasp for air the demon grows and grows.  The easiest thing to do would be to cower and collapse under it, but I know I must be strong and continue to seek the Lord.

I just flipped through my Bible to try and find a verse that I read the other day when old pink writing in the margins caught my attention. The sides of my Bible are completely filled up and if I were to stop at every note I’ve made I would never accomplish anything, but for some reason I couldn’t move on without reading this note and the underlined section.

Proverbs 3:24-26

If you lie down, you will not be afraid;

when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Do not be afraid of sudden terror

Or of the ruin (storm) of the wicked, when it

comes,

for the Lord will be your confidence

and will keep your foot from being

caught.

I guess my application would be to memorize this verse and know that I don’t need to be afraid to sleep or to fear what might haunt my mind through the day, but the Lord will keep me standing tall.