Saturday, September 3, 2011

IBS: The Art Of Vulnerability

Ephesians 4:24—and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Yesterday I was struck by one of the interns IBS. He was real, and vulnerable before us and I was instantly convicted. I had things to say about yesterdays verse that I was too embarrassed to share in front of everyone, so I decided that today, I'm going to
 be more honest. More vulnerable. I was created after the likeness of God. He created me. He thought me up, and knit together every fiber of my being. He gave me every character trait, every personality trait, everything about me is a gift from Him. Something I’ve struggled with my whole life, but especially since I’ve been here, is self-worth. To look at myself and say, “I’ve been made in the image of God, and I am exactly who I am meant to be,” has never been easy for me, actually I don’t think I’ve ever done that. I begin everyday with self-loathing, and end everyday upset with myself for not doing better. I never stop to think that Jesus died, a bloody death, so that I could be who He made me to be. I don’t want to be ungrateful for everything that He has done for me, but by hating myself, I am being ungrateful.

I was listening to a sermon by Matt Chandler last night and He was talking about Romans 8, and how Jesus loves us and prays for us.
Romans 8:34-35—“…Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ…” Christ is interceding for us. He is praying for us, Jesus, Lord of all the earth is praying for me. I must be worth something if the Creator is praying for me, if nothing can separate me from His love!
For so long I have hated myself, oh but I had justification! I had reason and logic! I didn’t make it through high school, I never passed a test or knew the right answer, and I never cared enough to try or pay attention. I never understood the things that teenagers are suppose to understand. I don’t have any gifts or talents. All the things I’m passionate about I’m horrible at. I don’t have any skills to bring to the table.
What would Jesus want with me? I have nothing.
Well, I’ve been so encouraged by Pastor Craig this morning. I don’t have money, or knowledge, or specific talents, but I have faith! I know the Lord can work through me because I have complete faith that He will! I believe that the Lord will show me how He wants to use me in His own time, and until then I will exercise my faith. I loved when Pastor Craig said that the more we exercise our faith, the bigger channels we become for the work of the Lord. He challenged us to stop comparing ourselves to others, and be content with what the Lord has blessed us with. By being content and filled with faith we put ourselves in a position where God’s grace can flow through us. I need to be honest with myself and work at seeing myself the way the Lord sees me. I need to be content in who I am so that the Lord can move through me anyway He may choose to. 

Written: 9/31/11

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